For some, lock down has been a joy. Some people are loving an opportunity to slow down; the time to reflect, to sleep more, to develop a new hobby (where is everyone finding all the rye flour to bake sourdough?! I can’t get my hands on any so please email me with the inside info!). But for others, this time is a serious struggle. Life can feel really hard on a regular day, when there isn’t a global pandemic to deal with, so add that to the mix and many people are finding themselves unable to cope. Seeing people, going to work, travelling, spending time with family… there are many things that might help when you’re feeling low, and right now these things might not be possible. For some people, and if this is you, you’re not alone. It can be hard spending so much time in your own head. You might not always be the nicest person to yourself, so it can be tough to spend so much time with you.
At the moment, some people are struggling every day, and if so, this is for you. Some people are struggling sometimes, this is also for you. You might be fine, but you might know people who aren’t doing so well right now, so this is also for you. Share this with those people, or learn from it and make suggestions to them, maybe this will change the way you support them. Maybe it will help, even a little.
1. Focus on this day, this hour, this minute
The future is unknown, and that can send us down a spiral of worry. It can be helpful to think of worry as a part of human nature; it is there to make us feel more prepared and in control of what is happening around us. But it almost never changes the actual outcome. Remembering this when you’re feeling overwhelmed is often easier said than done, but try to remember it. Allow yourself to be happy in the here and now; it probably won’t make any difference to the future if you allow things to just unfold. Give yourself a break from thinking about the future, as much as possible. What’s good about right now? Maybe you have a cup of tea. Maybe you have a nice comfy seat on your sofa. Maybe you have a biscuit (homemade or shop bought, both are great). Right now, in this very moment, maybe things are ok. Stay present and try not to let your mind race ahead.
2. If you feel like you can’t cope, remember you are already coping
Nobody could have predicted this pandemic, but look at you. You’ve got through it for months now. That’s so strong. And that all happened without you foreseeing it, or worrying about it. Trust in yourself that you can be reactive to things, as they happen, things you have not planned for. And be proud of yourself for coping how you have.
3. Treat yourself like you would treat a friend
You’re struggling, and it’s a global pandemic. Life feels like it’s been turned upside-down, so try to acknowledge that this is not an easy situation. Be really careful with how you’re talking to yourself. Are you being nice, empathetic, understanding? What kind of things are you saying to yourself? Would you be comfortable saying those things to a friend? If not, don’t say them to yourself either. They won’t help to make you feel better. Kindness will.
4. What do you have control over?
You might not have access to the normal things that help you, like seeing your friends and family as much as normal, or going to the pub, the cinema, the usual experience of your weekly yoga class. And that really is hard (be nice to yourself about that, see point 3). But what can you do? It might not be as good as normal, or exactly what you feel you need, but it can be a nod towards it and it might help a bit. A Zoom call won’t replace a catch up over coffee in a café, but maybe it will help a bit. You might feel like you’ve lost control because all the usual things you do have changed, but there might be things you can do and those things may help you. It might help to look in different places.
5. Take the pressure off
Yes, some people seem to be thriving in lock down, and learning about themselves and growing, and for them that is such a great silver lining to everything that’s happening. But many are finding it really hard. That’s ok too. You’re not expected to come out of this slimmer, fitter, more well-read… if it’s hard, remember that just getting through this time is something to feel proud of. Is your social media filled with people who seem to be excelling at this time? Maybe put your phone down for a few hours, or a few days, or longer? It’s difficult at the moment as social media can also help us feel connected to people, but check in with yourself and think about what’s helping and what isn’t. Maybe you can hide some profiles for now, or only use it at certain times. Try not to compare yourself to others, remember lots of people are finding this time hard. You’re just possibly not seeing so many of those people post about it on Instagram (like you’re not).
6. Make time for the positives
“Thoughts aren’t facts” might sound a bit cliché, but it’s something I find myself saying to clients all the time, because it’s so true. It’s so easy to let our minds focus on the negative. It feels safer, like we’re in some way preparing ourselves. But it’s important not to forget there might be positive outcomes too, and a whole spectrum of things between. Try to give those thoughts some air time too. They are probably just as likely as your negative thoughts, but they will feel a great deal better to spend time with.
I hope this helps you, or someone you know, even a little. If you’re really struggling and need someone to talk to, always remember you can speak to Samaritans, any time of day, any day of the week. You can find out more at samaritans.org or call them (for free) on 116 123.
